So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so let's talk penis.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
