Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
