ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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