Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
