So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
