When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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