you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Randomize
