I love black thongs
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
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Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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