He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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