did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
