Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
