Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm passing your future prison.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
