If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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