While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
