I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
