I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
