My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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