Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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