Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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