My pussy is not your playground.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
