I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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