Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
