That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
