I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
