Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
