Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
