she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
