Don't you send me to vm
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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