Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
