Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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