I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
