After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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