this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
