wakey wakey hands off snakey
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
