she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
