so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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