I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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