my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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