i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
