Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
