I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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