I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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