i jhust puked up my retainher.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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