so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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