"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
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My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
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She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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