we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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