i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
