You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
