There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
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you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
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There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
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