I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Randomize
