he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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