member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
