remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
