I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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