Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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