I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
