speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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