why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
