Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
