So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Come share oat with me in your robe
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
