made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
