I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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