Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
