What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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