I want to make a zoo with you.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize