you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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