Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
