I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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