I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
