nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
