I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
