i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
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So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
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Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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