you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
