The maid of honor just puked.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
