my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
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I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
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I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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