He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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