"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
