toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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